I used to think I'd like my Monday mornings without you. Perfect time for me to pick up around the house, grab a book, lounge around with the fur-kids. Today, I'm missing you. The house is quiet, the cats are calm. All I can hear is trickling water from fishtank and Sage snoring in very deep, even rhythms. The peace is making me very aware of the pitter-patter going on in my chest and the butterflies in my stomach. It's very easy for me to reflect on how much has been changed in my head over this past weekend.
I'm so grateful you showed me the Leela Meditation game. Thank you for playing/learning it in front of me, all the while relaxing us both. I'd really like to play more Leela, maybe even buy the full game. It feels like calling it a 'game' would be rude! It's a meditation/relaxation tool, not a 'playful' game!
Thank you for always taking the time to talk with me. I have been very disrespectful to you to say the very least, but you have always refused to leave my side. I would've given up on me a few weeks ago. I don't know what you see in me that makes you stick it through, but I'm extremely grateful.
Thank you for holding me when I had a breakdown the other night. I felt so awful knowing that people crying makes you upset, but I don't know what I would've done if you weren't there to calm me.
Last night's talk was so helpful. I know I kept saying "I know, I know", but hearing someone else say what's been going on in my head was a positive reinforcement, a confidence booster, and a mentor's advice all rolled into one. I can now see how I need to keep my selfish, impromptu, emotionally hurt thought process separated from the professional/"save the relationship for the good of my future business" logic (and act on the latter, of course). Your voice in the dark kept me focused, helped my reasoning, and relaxed my mind when I normally would have forced a wall up to avoid thinking about something that bothers me. You're really good at tearing my walls down. (I'll never admit that out loud.)
Thank you for being a "Jack of all Trades". That trait makes you very easy to talk to about anything. I've always been very insecure/shy about talking about change, about things I'd like to do if I ever could find the confidence. I can't believe how much knowledge and experience you already have to be able to share with me.
I can't believe I've had you in my life for 4 years and never knew past the cute, funny, nerdy side of you. :D I've always had an attraction to your voice, always wanted to hear your opinion about anything. I loved hearing you and Brian shout out to each other's porches. I used any excuse to go outside to see you. I used to get scolded at when I'd hear your door open, or see a blur go past the window, because I'd always look to see if it was you. Maybe my subconscious knew about us all along?
I look forward to learning everything there is to know about you. You've already trusted me with so much. I look forward to seeing you grow as your own person and as a father. Thanks for being awake and able to chat with me on October 2nd. I'll always thank the universe for giving me the guts (and vodka drinks) to be extremely honest that night, and for the addiction to your presence that followed.
I guess it's time for me to start getting ready for work. I hope your day has been peaceful, and gave you the money and satisfaction you asked the universe for. :)
--Angel
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